Really Horrible Cover Letters, Take 1

This is for an administrative assistant position:

Hello, Dear Hiring Manager,
My Name Is REDACTED. I Am Looking For A Stable Employment Please, I Am Currently Working Temp Jobs And I Am Kinda Tired Of It Now.
I Need Something That Will Work With Me, I Am In College And I Take Most Classes On-Line, But I Still Need To Take Some Classes / Labs On-Campus, So I Need Something That Will Work With This. Also I Am Starting Out On My Own So I Am Looking At Something Around $12-$15+ An Hour.
I Am A Former UNITED STATES MARINE And I Am Looking At Reenlisting In The ARMY NATIONAL GUARD Soon As Well!!
I Would Like Something In The Redondo Beach/Gardena/Torrance/Manhattan Beach Areas, But I Can Work With Locations. I Will Also Accept Locations In Culver City, Santa Monica, LA, And West LA Areas As Well. I Am Looking For Something Permanent Not Temporary But I Can Work With This As Well. I Have Extensive Experience In A Couple Lines Of Work. IE Customer Service, Sales, Retail, Wholesale, Food (restaurant, and Fast Food), Office, Clerical, Admin, Government, Legal, Financial, Baning, Construction, And Promotion.
I Have Attached A Sample Resume For Some Of My Previous Jobs. If You Would Like More Let Me Know.

I Am Available To Discuss Options And Set Up Interviews All Day.
Please Contact Me As I Am Immediately Available To Work!

Other than removing his name, I changed nothing. He sent the same thing to us three times over several days. None of them had a resume attached.

He didn’t get a phone interview.

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